So, What Does It Say About Me?

A Forbidden Lovers Romance

Can we talk about C.R. Jane for a minute? I recently had the pleasure of reading her work for the first time, and I loved it so much, I read seven more over the next few days. Did I fixate? Maybe. But how fitting was it for me to do so on books about fixating? Am I trying to justify it? Probably. But when I'm in Miss Jane's world, I am totally free to live my not-so-normal but just-short-of-insane life, romanticized. She doesn't shy away from trauma, mental health, or unhealthy behaviors. She hits them head on, letting us know exactly when the characters' went coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. Then, she romanticizes it. And not in a bad way at all, at least in my opinion. In a way that shows it from a different perspective. Because some people see certain behaviors or ways of thinking in one, very specific way. From one, very narrow lense. I'm not excusing anything that is toxic or harmful. But I am saying that just because more than one thing may fit the same description, doesn't make them identical. And, coming from a person who has felt different, if not a little strange, her whole life, it's refreshing to see the oddball find acceptance and true love. To see them finally find their person. The one who matches (if not outmatches) their crazy. To me, it's very romantic to read about two people who unapologetically love hard, in the only way they know how to. For them to finally be understood and seen. For them to be loved, not under the condition that they "get better", but completely as who they are right now. And the piece de resistance...the sexy, unhinged hero is fiercely protective of his heroine. She no longer has to fight the world alone. And neither does he.

I should probably make it clear that I've only read from her sports-romance collections, so this is based on those alone. (But I do plan to binge the books in The Sound of Us series next.) And the last one I read really resonated with me. In The Wrong Catch, the woman is the stalker! (That's not a spoiler - I don't believe in spoilers.) While I'm not a stalker, I did very much connect with this character. She loves the only way she knows how, but it's in a way that's not necessarily socially accepted or even completely understood. And the burden of that reality weighs heavily on her. It attempts to control her choices and "normalize" her actions. I see myself in some aspects of her. Some time ago, I began writing a female character who, like Ophelia, had ways that are not typically attractive to men. Especially if they're looking for a long-term or forever partner. But I put that project to the side, thinking it would be too difficult to get readers to fall in love with her, flaws and all. Because I have no intentions on "fixing" her. After I read The Wrong Catch, I was fully inspired to revisit my project.

So, what does it say about me that most of my book boyfriends are obsessed, possessive, a tad unstable, and lowkey stalkerish? I'm not really sure, nor am I interested in exploring it on a deeper level. Whatever quirk makes me this way, I want to continue to feed it incredible love stories that give people like me happy endings. Thank you, C.R. Jane, for highlighting the beauty in the imperfections.

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